Black Jack (Elite Ops 4)

Page 71

“I just knew,” she snapped. “I just remembered that they should be there.”
Lilly ran her fingers through her hair and clenched at the strands as though she could force the information out of her brain.
She wanted the information out. She wanted her memories back. She wanted her life back. She wanted to know who she was. Lilly or Lady Victoria Lillian Harrington. Which was she, and which life should she be living?
“What else do you just know?”
“Answer my question first,” she cried out. “Enemy or ally?”
“What the fuck are you doing, asking me that question?” The words tore from him furiously as he stepped quickly to her, grabbed her arms and jerked her against him. “Tell me that, Lilly. Why the hell are you fucking me if you don’t know whether I’m your friend or your enemy, your lover or your assassin?”
“Are you my assassin?” Her head shot back to stare into his furious gaze. “If you were my lover, my ally, you would give me the information I need to survive,” she argued, just as furious as he was now. “You wouldn’t lie to me, Travis, and I know you’re lying to me.”
“How? If you don’t remember anything, then you have no idea what is truth or lie, Lilly,” he snarled back at her. “Keep it that way, damn you. In this case, trust me, ignorance is truly bliss.”
“No . . .” Ignorance was going to get her killed, she could feel it.
She would have argued, but before she could get the words past her lips, he was kissing her again. He was always kissing her when there was something he didn’t want to deal with. He was always stealing her senses, her resolve, by throwing her into a maelstrom of pleasure that she couldn’t deny.
The pleasure was as fierce as ever, but the tears fell anyway. Silently, slowly, Travis felt the salty warmth against his lips, tasted it against his tongue.
Pulling back, he stared down at her still-too-innocent eyes, and watched as the pain built in her eyes, the tears dampened her face.
“God, Lilly,” he whispered. His thumbs ran beneath her eyes to wipe away the wetness as a small sob shuddered in her chest.
Leaning his forehead against hers, he stared down at her and breathed out heavily. “I can’t give you what you want. Not because I don’t want to. Because I won’t. I won’t risk you to that point.”
She had no idea how dangerous the information was that she wanted. There was a chance, a slim one in his opinion, but a chance that she could hold on to her life here.
The tears fell faster as she trembled in his arms, pain and confusion sweeping through her with a force that lanced his soul. “I’m going to die anyway, Travis. Whoever is determined to kill me will succeed eventually. Without the truth, I have no way of defending myself.”
She didn’t want to die. She wanted to live, to laugh, to love Travis. She wanted to hold on to him forever, but she wanted to know about the life she had lived, the enemies she had made.
She was vulnerable right now, and she knew it. She was too vulnerable.
“I won’t let anything happen to you.” His arms tightened around her, his hand pressing her head against his heart, where she wanted to stay forever.
“You can’t stop it.” She knew it. “There’s so much I don’t know, Travis. But I know I can protect myself.” She fought the wrenching sobs trying to tear from her body. “I know I can. Just as I know . . .” Her fingers dug into his flesh as she fought to hold on to him. “Just as I know you’re going to leave.”
She couldn’t hold on to him forever. Agony resonated through her at that realization. It was like a dagger, tearing holes in her heart, shredding her hopes. She was living day to day and she knew it, just as she knew she would be living a fool’s dream if she let herself believe otherwise.
“I won’t leave you in danger.” She could hear the promise in his voice. The sincerity.
“Unless you’re ordered to do so!” Anger was burning inside her along with the tears, tearing at her, driving a wedge through her soul and splitting it apart.
Jerking away from him, she swiped at the tears on her face before turning to face him. “Tell me who I was. Tell me what I was.”
Let me be able to trust him. The knot of hunger in her stomach was only building, the need to trust someone, anyone, was ripping her apart.
His nostrils flared as she watched the struggle on his face then.
“You’re asking me to sign your death warrant,” he finally said softly.
Lilly shook her head. “I’m asking you to save me, Travis. I can’t live like this. I can’t stumble around blindly any longer. I can’t live without trust, without someone to turn to, and I can’t live without understanding why I dream of blood and death and a fucking rifle in my hands that I know I’ll use to kill.” With each word her voice was rougher, more strained, the rage bleeding through until her fists were clenched, pressed into her stomach as she fought to hold back the agony resonating through her.
“Lilly Belle was trained to work with covert ops.” Travis’s voice was strained now, his gaze tormented. “You know that, Lilly, it was in the report provided by the investigator.”
“According to that report she was a high-priced call girl trained to protect herself and the agent she was fucking.” She sneered at him.