Hayley gives me a serious look.
“You already told him you’d be okay with that,” she points out. “Was that the truth?”
Was it? I imagine only being friends with Grant. The thought is painful. I really want Grant in my life. I want to be with him and touch him and kiss him. I want him to trust me again.
“I want Grant to be happy,” I say. “If he wants to only be friends…then that is okay.”
Grant’s happiness is more important that my own selfishness. If he needs to walk away from the intimacy we both feel, then that’s what he needs. I had what I needed for a very long time, and I hurt Grant quite badly while chasing that. Now it’s his turn, and it’s my turn to accept whatever actions he takes now.
It will all be fine eventually. No matter what happens tonight, I just have to keep believing in that.
I almost regret sending the message as soon as I’ve sent it. My mind is still reeling from Jessica’s words. I half suspected that she still felt so strong for me, but this is the first time she’s actually said it since we reunited.
How long has she been in love with me again? Since she saw me? Since I was introduced to Owen?
Did she never stop loving me?
It feels almost egotistical to wonder. Why would Jessica still be in love with me after she left me three years ago? Then I remember her telling me that she left because she was scared of the things she had found out. Not once did she say she didn’t loved me anymore.
I don’t know if I still love Jessica. Time and distance and betrayal have dulled those warm feelings that I once had. The last week and a half has been such a whirlwind of feelings and discovering that I hadn’t once sat down and really thought about how I still felt for Jessica underneath the surface anger and hurt.
As I stared at that confession, though, my heart pounded and my body flooded with warmth and happiness. She still loved me. There’s still part of her that sincerely wants me, and not just because I’m the father of her son.
It feels nice.
I could have just left it until tomorrow. But I felt a sudden urgency. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning, not now. I need to see Jessica and talk to her as soon as possible. We need to discuss this and figure out where to go next.
My phone vibrates with a return message. With trepidation, I glance at it.
“I’ll be there.”
I don’t know whether I’m relieved or not that she’ll be there. I’m the one that asked her to come around, but there’s a part of me that thinks I’ve done something stupid. Having the night to work through my feelings and thoughts would have been better.
I just can’t seem to let it go, though. Jessica loves me.
What do I even say to that?
Straight away, I know I can’t return the confession, not right now. Too much has happened, and there’s too little trust between us for me to feel like I love her as passionately as I once did. But…
Someone sits down at the bar, startling me from my phone. I shove it in my pocket. I’m at work, after all. I don’t have time to think about or dread meeting Jessica at my apartment later.
“What’s so interesting about that phone?”
I look up at the sound of the voice. The man who has just sat down is Tom Green. This is strange; Tom isn’t the type to approach unless he wants a confrontation. Even stranger is the fact that he’s on his own. The scantily-dressed girls that he came in with earlier are currently fawning over some of the other men that joined Tom later, running their hands over skin and straddling laps. I tear my eyes away from the sight, resolving to keep an eye on the situation in case it becomes too raunchy, and glance back at Tom.
“What do you want?” I ask calmly.
The problem with Tom is that he’s a bomb that can always go off at any moment. I’ve never figured out what his motivations for staying in the club are. Part of me thinks he’s territorial. All I can do is be careful not to trigger his temper.
Tonight, though, he seems calm. He still has a full bottle of beer and he sips at it as he stares at me, his eyes narrowed. He doesn
’t appear to be angry about anything. What is he contemplating?