"Don't get smart with me! You've worried us all half to death."
"Don't scold me, rich boy. If I wanna get smashed, I don't need your permission." I point my finger at his face.
Movement to my left catches my attention. Dresden has slowly crept too close. Trailing my thumb across my bottom lip, I grin wickedly. "Don't even think about it, Dres. You touch me, and I'll cut your balls off and throw them over the balcony."
He holds his hands up. "Lily, you're about fall over." His voice is soft and brings me up short. I shake my head, still swaying.
"Don't." I hold my hand up toward him. "I'm going to change." I stumble toward my room, slamming my hip into another table. "Fuck!"
Falling into my bedroom, I'm vaguely aware of someone behind me. I struggle out of my shirt and bra, and throw them on the floor, pulling on a sports bra. Shimming out of my pants and damn near falling over, I grab a pair of boy-shorts and slide them on.
"Lily, do you need help?" Sammi asks in a hushed tone.
"Nope." I turn to face her. "Let's go finish this, shall we?"
"Alcohol seems to make you brave and stupid," she says, scratching next to her ear.
Everything's fuzzy and the room spins slightly. "No sense in hiding anymore, you all know the truth now."
She sighs loudly and turns to leave. I follow her, unsteadily, back to the living room where the team and Blake wait. I stop in the middle of the room and spin slowly, my arms held out.
"Take a good fucking look. You wanted to know what I've been hiding. Here it is."
I face them. Jax's shoulders slump, defeated. I shake my head, refusing to feel sorry for him. I'm the one drunk and flaunting my shame to the world.
"What are the crosses down your leg," Dresden asks.
Slowly, I run my finger along the brands littering my skin from hip to knee. "My reminder."
"What," Blake says, shock evident in his voice.
"One cross for every owner for the last nineteen years."
Several gasps echo around me.
"You did that to yourself," Vlad says, his mouth hanging open.
"Yeah," I chuckle darkly. "Soon I guess I'll have to add another one."
Jax's head snaps up. I want to scream at him. Sammi's thoughts invade my alcohol-addled mind.
"You could've said no, Lily," Jax snaps, standing. "I gave you a choice."
I laugh, short and sharp, knowing he isn't talking about the current undercover assignment.
"Choice? I was seventeen." I take a step toward him, anger unraveling from deep inside me. "I'd just fucking stabbed someone to death."
"What?" several voices say at once.
"We needed someone like you. You wanted revenge. Win-win," Jax says with no emotion in his voice.
"What did I win, Jax? A life back in the auctions? Ten years and the only f
orm of touch I've been able to tolerate is taking another person's life."
"You're point? You didn't have to kill them, Lily."
You're right . . . I wanted to kill them. Every one of them.